It’s so dense; every single frame has so many things going on…
Have you ever seen a piece of entertainment that was such a mess that it goes from bad to worse before winding up all the way back at awesome? Have you ever desired to watch something that will make you want to repeatedly slap yourself in the face while you’re shaking with laughter? Did you ever look at The Phantom Menace and wonder if it could get any worse? Well, wonder no more!
The Star Wars Holiday Special originally aired in November of 1978 as a means to A New Hope from the previous year. Somehow, against all odds, it managed to get a budget of more than $1 Million and the entire original cast came back. The result is a special that is the singular definition of why Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax exist.
The Descent.
Why are you pouring alcohol into your head?!
This special is an attempt to merge the Star Wars franchise with 1970s variety shows in the vein of Bob Hope or Carol Burnett. The entire plot surrounds Han Solo getting Chewbacca home to Kazook to celebrate Life Day with his family. Do we ever get an explanation as to what this whole thing is about? Oh, hell no! Instead, we get a series of loosely connected vignettes that are so head-slappingly bad that you may not stop laughing at the sheer absurdity of it all.
But with that said, there is a thin connection between them as the Empire invades Chewbacca’s house to check for Rebel activity. These no-name actors chew the scenery in such a way that can only be rivaled by Domhnall Gleeson in The Force Awakens. Compared to the calm and poised nature of Darth Vader, these guys are so mustache-twirlingly evil that it comes off as hilarious. From destroying Lumpy’s toys to giving the Wookiees the stink eye when they distract from the Jefferson Starship cameo, it is absolutely ridiculous from beginning to end and needs to be seen to be believed.
HELP!
Boba Fett riding an alien dinosaur? It could be worse. It could be a lot worse.
As for the skits themselves, it goes without saying that “The Faithful Wookiee” is the best of the bunch. Sure, Han Solo looks like Mick Jagger and the voice acting is embarrassing, but it actually seems like someone is trying to make something happen. It even introduces Boba Fett! With that said, the entire experience is so jarring because Lumpy is watching a cartoon in the universe about the characters in the universe.
Did Darth Vader and Luke get together for a Life Day truce and record the whole thing? Did they try to hash out their differences there? Was it just to deliver a vocal performance that was so phoned in that it accrued galactic distance charges? These are absolutely braindead questions for such a cheesy mess, but suspension of disbelief is critical and doesn’t deserved to be snapped like a twig, people!
And why is Doctor Robotnik in that cartoon?!
The only other skits worth talking about involve Bea Arthur, Itchy, Scratchy, and Poochie! The most bizarre (and cerebral) of the two happens when Chewbacca’s pervy dad places a dirty cassette tape into his 60s hairdryer mind evaporator. Now, you may have just read that as a joke, but it is absolutely true. With that said, it just seems like the resulting segment was ripped off from the opening of Goldfinger.
In the broadcast, we also learn that the Imperial platoons on Kazook are usually forced to watch broadcasts of musical numbers from a bar run by Ackmena (Bea Arthur) on Tatooine. Does it make no sense and appear to make the Empire look awful? You bet! Of course, this segment has to be praised for having the guts to cover up their starring character with the crowd in favor of the dishwasher and the bouncer.
What? It’s always nice to include the help!
It Ain’t Easy Being Cheesy.
Hey, Han? You should probably cover up the death of Stormtrooper Wilhelm.
Unfortunately, the special also came with a bunch of pointless and cringe-worthy scenes that are largely responsible for its’ reputation. The most glaringly obvious of these are led by Harvey Korman. For some unexplained reason, we get to watch him as a female alien chef and an android kind of person that helps to put together some kind of device that no one gives a damn about. Of the two, the android segment is the goofiest because you can clearly see that Korman’s performance was accomplished by messing with the footage.
Why didn’t they just let him do it? Were they too afraid of a mind-blowingly awful performance that would go down in television infamy? Your guess is as good as mine.
Another segment that you will be talking about is the finale, mostly because it features a musical number by Princess Leia. While Harrison Ford didn’t even want to be there and Mark Hamill tried to make the best of it, Carrie Fisher always looked like she was five seconds away from bursting out in laughter. A part of that may be due to how ridiculous the entire Wookiee congregation looked in robes that are straight out of a Led Zeppelin cover… or other stuff.
Why would they even need to wear robes? Doesn’t all that fur keep them warm? WHY DO THESE QUESTIONS EVEN HAVE TO ASKED?!
Should You Watch It?
Oh, no. Oh, no!
If you like bad cinema or you want to experience what you’ve heard about it, The Star Wars Holiday Special is not getting out of here without a recommendation that you watch it at least once. It’s the absolute worst of the Star Wars franchise, but it’s also so cringe-worthy that you may get some entertainment value out of it. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse to get together with friends, shout terrible things at the television, and laugh so hard that your sides may start hurting.
And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
If you dare to watch this trainwreck, you can check it out on Youtube here.
Merry Christmas, everyone! Enjoy the day!
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