Premiere Week 2016 – The Good Place Is Pure Cringe.

Two great talents utterly wasted. It’s such a shame.

Around this time last year, I did a premiere week to examine all of the new shows that were coming out on the major networks. Now that 2016 has rolled around, I thought I’d turn this into a yearly tradition to point out the noteworthy heights and cratering lows of the medium. So, why not start out with the first misfire of the 2016 season: The Good Place.

It’s bad, people. It’s really bad.

The Characters Are A Mess.

No. Eleanor is not a likable person, but neither is anyone else.

As you could probably guess, the biggest fault of this entire venture lies in the execution of these characters. Kristen Bell plays Eleanor Shellstrop, who winds up in not-Heaven after getting hit by a billboard truck advertising erectile dysfunction medication. However, something got mixed up in not-God’s paperwork and she’s supposed to be roasting in not-Hell with everyone fun or interesting… except for Lincoln because he ended slavery.

If the concept didn’t bore you to tears already, the rest of the cast will. The creative team contrasts Eleanor’s general awfulness with the most goody two shoes characters imaginable, which is where the whole thing falls apart for a very simple reason. When you have characters that are carried to such utter extremes, they wind up being completely uncompelling and not even close to sympathetic.

And plus, how stupid does one have to be to discard historical figures? It opens up far more storytelling options than listening to some jaw-droppingly boring people who enjoy picking up garbage from the side of the road.

We Can See Where This Is Going.

Apparently, a stoner was the closest to getting the afterlife right. Ugh.

I want you to stop me if you’ve heard this before. A woman who is a horrible and self-absorbed has to learn how to be a good person with the help of a mentor. Sure, I may have just described this show in one sentence, but it was also done before in the cancelled Karen Gillan comedy called Selfie. Both shows are awkward and poorly executed, but this one has a much higher production budget because of the special effects.

On top of that, I’m anticipating that the hamfisted moral lessons will grate on the nerves of the viewers after a while. Okay, I can understand that Eleanor needs to value doing good by picking up trash. With that said, why is there a dilemma in the first place when the setting is a supernatural realm? Why is there a time limit to the flying lessons when they have a computer-ish index that can teach the deceased people how to do it? Why do people still need sleep up there? Why is kicking a dog into the sun fine for Michael (Ted Danson)? Shouldn’t it provoke a negative reaction because of animal abuse?

Ugh.

The Jokes Fall Flat On Their Face.

Durr hur hur. Isn’t she just the worst?

Now, all of the above issues would be tolerable if the show was funny, but it’s not. Sure, you might get a chuckle out of one or two jokes, but then the creative team starts to screw it up with five kinds of garbage.

• Telling a woman to smile may send you to not-Hell? Check.
• Flying shrimp start appearing everywhere after Eleanor eats one too many? Check.
• Janet (D’Arcy Carden) catches Eleanor and Chidi (William Jackson Harper) off guard by asking them if they’d like to look for porn? Quadruple check.
• Eleanor throws a coffee cup in front of an environmentalist and asks if he’d like to suck her farts? Check!

And this came from the same guy that co-created Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Get the hell out of here!

Conclusion.

Did I mention that one of the “characters” doesn’t even talk? No? Okay, then!

You’re better off sticking with Lucifer, which is now in its’ second season and turned out to be far more interesting than I thought it would be when it premiered last year. As for The Good Place, it’s not funny, has a thin premise, and wastes the talents of Ted Danson and Kristen Bell.

But luckily, there’s a lot more television coming out this week. Stay tuned!